Love is in the air

Oleg has gotten onto a love kick recently.  I’m going to blame it on Valentine’s Day in February, but here’s some stories…

Thursday, Feb. 24, 2011
A month ago, Oleg kept saying, “Yuck, girls!” I knew he didn’t totally mean this because he loves to play with the neighbor girl C, so I figured he heard it from another boy at school. Plus I reminded him that I was a girl. He assured me that he still liked me (and C) even though we were girls. Then things changed! One day Oleg came home from school and it was “A this” and “A that” all about this little girl from his class. After a couple days of this I asked the other mother if she had heard anything and she said no. Then the next day she told me she had heard about Oleg’s loose tooth. After that I found “love” notes that Oleg had brought home. I asked about them and Oleg said they were from A and one was from P. I asked if he wrote her any notes and he said he drew her a picture. (He didn’t say, but I’m guessing it was a picture of a Clone or something. :-)) Then on Feb. 24, A’s mother caught me in the hallway and told me that Oleg had whispered “I love you!” to A during circle time. Oh boy! Apparently there has been talk of marriage too. My little Casanova!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011
We were having a play date with J and J was riding in our car while his mother drove behind us. I’ll just start this by saying that kid conversations make me laugh! So, Oleg bursts out with “I love you J!” (note that J is a boy) J responds with “Okay.” Oleg continues with, “Do you want to marry me when we are grown ups?” J responds with “Boys don’t marry boys! Boys marry girls!” Oleg (quoting me trying to be politically correct) responds with, “Boys don’t marry boys right now, but they might one day. So do you want to get married when we grow up?” J’s world is a little rocked at this point and he replies, “No! Boys don’t marry boys! Weren’t you going to marry A?” Oleg thinks for a minute then replies, “Yes, I’m going to marry A and maybe C (the neighbor girl) too.” J tells Oleg that he needs to ask his mother before getting married because that’s what his Dad told him. Oleg replies that he is not going to do that. I pipe up from the front seat that I think asking your Mom is a good idea. Since Oleg has been shot down at marriage, he tries something else, he asks J, “Will you be my friend when we are grown ups?” J agrees that they can do that and everyone is happy.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011
On the way to gymnastics class, Oleg tells R (another boy) that he loves him. R has the same response as J did, “Okay.” Oleg wait a little while and then repeats himself. R replies, “You already told me that.” I think Oleg is definitely trying to figure out this whole love thing!

Unrelated to the love theme, but something I wanted to share / vent about:
Later the same day, R’s grandmother came to pick him up from our house. She started talking about how Oleg was adopted and asking questions about Russia. It occurred to me that I had told R’s mother, but not his grandmother, about the adoption. Not a huge deal that this info was shared, but just made me wonder why. I guess just because people like to talk. Anyway, she started off by asking about Russia and if we would take him back to visit. Okay. She also asked if he was in an orphanage. Okay. Then she started to press more. She asked about his story — what had happened to his family. Well, I told her (as I will tell anyone even my immediate family) that this is Oleg’s story. He knows it, we know it, and we have shared it with him, but it is HIS story to decide who he might want to share it with. Most people will drop it at this point, but R’s grandma pressed on and asked again. I didn’t know quite what to say, so I just repeated myself that it was his story to tell when he wanted and I think I changed the subject at that point. Thankfully she dropped it because I’m not sure what else I would have said to her. I am not one to be rude to people and I’m not pushy, but I had told her twice (I think nicely) that I wasn’t going to answer her direct question. It just bothered me that she felt she really needed to know. She doesn’t.

Lost tooth, SuperNanny, and everything in between

Well, I have once again gotten behind on posting to the blog. I’m going to blame in on my graduate school work or housework or playing with Oleg or… so many excuses. So, here are some things we have been up to:

Wednesday, Feb. 9, 2011:
Oleg finally lost his tooth! That little loose tooth hung in there for a month even though the permanent tooth was growing in right behind it. We were a bit worried because the permanent tooth was growing behind versus from underneath pushing the baby tooth out. We had a doctor visit during the month wait though and when I asked the doctor said that it really wasn’t anything to worry about and when the tooth was ready, it would fall out. So, it finally fell out with a little help. Oleg and I were eating lunch at Panera Bread with Oleg’s friend R., his brother P., and their mother. The boys were at one table and the moms were at another. We’re eating and Oleg comes up to the table to say his tooth is bleeding. My first thought was that he had been wiggling it and he tasted a little blood. But then I looked at him and realized his tooth had fallen out. Since I am not good with the sight of blood, I think I handled things really well. I got a napkin and put pressure on the hole where the tooth had been. I asked Oleg where the tooth had gone and told him excitedly that it had fallen out. He was a little freaked out about the blood but the other mom making a big deal about his tooth falling out helped him forget his fear and become a little proud and excited. Finally I took Oleg to the bathroom to have him swish and spit out the blood a little. In the bathroom he got to tell a couple other people about this tooth that had fallen out. The excitement was building. It was neat for him because his friend R. is 6 years old now but had not lost any teeth yet. I think he was the first student in his preschool class to loose a tooth too (but many seem to be following now or maybe I’m just hearing about them more now). Oleg wrote a really cute note to the Tooth Fairy explaining that he lost his tooth but it was in his belly now because he swallowed it. The Tooth Fairy gave him $5 for his first tooth and wrote a note back. It was so fun to share this special moment with my little guy!

Monday, Feb. 14, 2011:
A couple little things today that I just want to remember. Since Oleg has school on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, Monday is one of the days were we get to just hang out and take it easy in the morning. This morning Oleg came into our room, crawled into bed, and pretended to be a wolf baby in my uterus. One of his favorite movies right now is “Alpha and Omega” (about wolves) and he has been pretending a lot lately to be a wolf and sometimes a wolf baby in my uterus. I think we are getting to the stage where he wants to have been my biological baby. He hasn’t said anything directly, so I’ve talked to him about it a little to help him express some of the words he may be feeling but might not exactly know how to say.

Another thing I mentioned to Michael is how much I enjoy the relaxed mornings when we can play and chat a little bit without having to rush out the door. He likes to climb in our bed and snuggle for awhile in the morning sometimes. Then after he wakes up he sometimes likes to wrestle/play fight and get tickled. Some mornings I’m not quite awake for it, but other mornings I feel like it’s a good connection with him. He is such an active kid! He is also very talkative with a HUGE imagination. On this particular morning he was going on and on about what he was playing. Michael just looked at me (since he is not a morning person) and I smiled and reminded him that it is a good thing that Oleg has such a great imagination and enjoys playing. It can be a bit much when you’re not quite awake and moving though.

Tuesday, Feb. 15, 2011
Oleg invited one of his classmates to come play at our house after school then invited him to ride in our car with us. His mother said it was fine, so J. came with us and she drove behind us. He was really very well behaved and quiet in the car (not like some of the other boys who have ridden with Oleg!). But at one point he piped up with, “My Grandpa says some bad words.” Of course Oleg asked him what the words were, but J. said that he shouldn’t say them. I was sitting in the front seat and was glad that was what J. decided. Oleg tried insisting to get his friend to tell him, but I told Oleg that J. knew he should say it. They talked about something else and then a few minutes later J. again said, “My Grandpa says some bad words. Some really bad words!” Hmmm… J. seems to be thinking about this a lot. They talked about something else and then J. burst out again with, “My Grandpa says some bad words. He says, ‘I’ll smack the sh** out of you.’” Oh my! Oleg’s response was, “What?” So, J. repeated himself, “smack the sh** out of you.” Oleg response again was, “What? Smack the shout out of you?” J. said, “No! Smack the sh** out of you. Sh**.” At this point I butted in and told J. that Oleg didn’t know that word. J. said, “Oh.” and the conversation ended. I totally just wanted to start giggling and I couldn’t wait to tell the other mother. I hope she knew I thought it was funny. I told her honestly that I’m surprised Oleg has not learned some words from Michael or me already. I probably won’t think it’s quite so funny when he is the one teaching the bad words to other kids.

Wednesday, Feb. 16, 2011
We ate lunch at Panera Bread again today (notice a pattern? :-)) with R. and his mom. R. was still hungry so his mom gave him some money and he went to the counter and got himself his own bagel. Oleg then decided that he was still hungry and wanted to go pay for a bagel himself. Well, he hasn’t really done that by himself and I wasn’t sure how it would go. On the other hand I know it is important for him to be independent and learn how to do things on his own and I was proud of him that he was not afraid to try it. So, I pulled out some cash for him and asked him what he was going to order. He didn’t know. So I handed him the money and went to look at the items and read the words to him. He decided on a chocolate chip bagel and I stood back. First he was going to march up to the counter, but there was a man in line in front of him, so I had to redirect Oleg to the line. Then when the man stepped forward to order, Oleg followed right behind him and the people behind the counter could not see him behind the man. Thankfully the woman behind him saw what we were doing and helped. Oleg marched up the the counter and handed the man all his money. The man chuckled and asked what Oleg would like to purchase. Oleg told him and the man tried to upsell by adding some cream cheese. Oleg said yes, but I was standing close enough that I could chime in with a no. The man rung up the order and gave Oleg his change. Oleg took the money and turned to leave. I approached, took the money, and told him that I was going to sit down now but he should wait for his bagel and bring it to the table. He did and his little chest was puffed out with pride. Then he offered some of his bagel to his friend R. (who said no) and the other mom (who said sure). Oleg took a large chunk of the still cold butter and tried to put it on a very small bite. He finally gave up trying to spread it and just handed her the whole thing. She was so gracious (bless her heart!). Then I helped Oleg spread the rest of his butter and he happily enjoyed his bagel.

Thursday, Feb. 17, 2011
Today Oleg invited his friend Z. to have a play date after class. Since it was nice outside, the moms decided that we should go to a playground. Z.’s mom needed to run one errand so I told her I would take the boys and she could meet us there. Well, I forgot that one time poor Z. wrote in our car he threw up. Ever since then Oleg or Z. mention it. Last time it was Oleg. This time Z. brought it up, but he had a new twist on it. He told me that he threw up that day because Oleg was picking his nose. Oh really. Apparently one of his older brothers picks his nose and it makes Z. sick so he decided that was what happened that day too. I tried to smooth things a little by saying that it was good Oleg didn’t pick his nose anymore (since he has been better about not doing it lately), but Oleg was quick to tell me that he did indeed still like to pick his nose. Hee hee! Kids! I just let them discuss it at that point.

Friday, Feb. 18, 2011
It was a beautiful day today so Michael took the afternoon off work and we decided to go to the Jurassic Journey Dinosaur Show downtown. It sounded like a great plan and like something Oleg would really like. Well, in hindsight it was not such a good idea. After a morning of preschool, plus computer class, plus Oleg has a cold (or something) he was tired. I kind-of thought he might be, so I asked if he felt okay and was not too tired to go, but he assured me that he was fine. I probably should have told him we could go another day if he was tired. When we got there, he seemed to like it but he wanted to look at everything very quickly. Finally we realized he wanted to go quickly partly because of the bright lights and attractions on the other side of the exhibit — pay for bouncy house fun, pay for mini golf, pay, pay, pay. Well, we had paid to park and paid to get into the show already and didn’t want to pay more. Oleg had a different opinion and threw a MAJOR tantrum that included hitting. Sigh! We got through that and went back to the Dinosaur side then Oleg asked to just go look at the other side again. How stupid is mom? Apparently pretty stupid. Repeat tantrum with more hitting, kicking, and biting. At that point we got him outside and finally settled, but it left a bad feeling for everyone and ruined what could have been a fun activity. Oleg just gets off when he is sick and I really, really, really need to remember that and help him regulate and rest. He is not good about letting himself rest when he is sick.

So, finally, the SuperNanny reference (from the title). After our “fun” afternoon tantrum I saw that SuperNanny was having a show with a family that had four adopted children. The preview for the show included one child trying to bite the mom and I wanted to watch for any tips or advice. I should know better since I’ve watched the show before for advice. Her advice to all parents is pretty much the same — time out and the naughty chair. And there was no reference to the attempted biting or how to handle it. I was so frustrated after watching the show and upset that I had once again wasted my time. I have read so many books, read so many blogs, read so many counseling web sites, and attended classes. I feel like I should be the expert now and know how to handle situations and yet I still struggle when Oleg’s hitting tantrums return. I should say that they are getting better (meaning less violent), but they still seem to take me by surprise each time. And they still break my heart and remind me that we can’t erase the past completely.

1st loose tooth

On Saturday (Jan. 15) I was talking to Oleg…

Oleg, “My teeth hurt.”

Me, “Point to which ones.”

He points and I wiggle.

Me, “You have a loose tooth!”

After feeling like we’ve missed some important moments in his life, it’s pretty exciting to have this 1st. The tooth is still wiggling and you can see the new tooth poking through the gums behind it. Hopefully it will come out soon! Both Michael and I are a little squeamish about pulling it so we’ll see how this all goes.

Kindergarten here we come

I ran into someone over the weekend that lives in our school district and she mentioned that registration for Kindergarten started today.  Already?!?!  Well, I started this process last year so I had an idea of what to do.  I got on the district web site, found the information, and called today to get my PIN.  As I was talking to the lady at the New Student Welcome Center, Oleg overheard our conversation.  When I finished talking, he asked me, “Am I going to Kindergarten?”  When I answered yes, he got a huge grin on his face.  I was sure to clarify that it was still 7 months away, but he was still excited.  His next question was if he was going to get to ride the bus.  When I again answered yes, he was so excited.  He is thrilled that he will be starting Kindergarten “soon” and followed up with questions throughout the afternoon about what (grades) he would do after that.  I told him 1st, 2nd, 3rd, …, 12th, then college if he wanted to.  He asked if he would be a grown up then and I responded that he would be a teenager.  Then he told me when he was a grown up he was going to adopt a son just like him.  :-)   My little boy is ready to grow up (and I want it to take some time).

Prayers

Last night when I was putting Oleg to bed, we said our prayers as usual. The thing that was different was what Oleg said at the end of the prayer. Usually we pray a version of “Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep” and then I ask him what he wants to pray for and then say something I want to pray for. Usually Oleg prays for one of his toys or the book we are about to read. Usually I pray for someone who needs or has asked for prayers. Last night Oleg surprised me with his thoughtful prayers. First he prayed for our dogs who both have had problems with broken dew claws recently, then he prayed for Baboushka (Great Grandma) who had eye surgery that hasn’t gone smoothly, and finally he prayed for a play date with his friend R on Wednesday. I know that he got the ideas of praying for Baboushka and the dogs from me, but that’s okay. I was just happy that he seems to have taken in the idea of praying for someone who has a need. I’m not expecting him to all of the sudden become a more thoughtful and holy boy now, but I think it’s a step in the right direction.

One other story I’ll share is an oops moment for me. I’ll never say I’m a perfect parent and today was a good example. I’m reading a book called Love and Logic and getting some good ideas on how to handle some behaviors that I don’t like. I’m also learning some parenting mistakes I’m making. I think the ideas in this book are wonderful. I also think it is going to take some work for me to modify my gut reactions into better, more thoughtful reactions. For example, I have been pestering Oleg to wash the soap off his hands before he turns off the water because the facet handle is caked with soap. Today he finished up in the bathroom and exclaimed, “Look! It’s shiny clean.” Instead of saying, “Wow! Thanks!” I took a critical approach instead and asked how it got clean. He told me he had used the towel to clean it. I muttered something about the towel needing cleaned now. Sigh! Why couldn’t I just be happy that he had listened and tried to do something to please me? Why did it have to be more “perfect?” I need to try to remember this for next time.

Rudolf and Christmas

On Dec. 22, Oleg and I were riding along in the car and got into a discussion about death.  All our deep discussions seem to be in the car.  Someone once told me this is because kids have your full attention and don’t have to have eye contact with you.  I don’t know if that’s the reason, but it does seem to be when we have these deep conversations.  The conversation started off innocently enough with Oleg talking about Christmas and baby Jesus.  Then he remembered the other stories about Jesus and how he died, so he started talking about death.  Oleg said that he never wanted to die.  I told him that I didn’t really want to die either, but that it will eventually happen.  We just all hope that it will be a long time from now when we are older.  Then Oleg told me that he would live with a new family when Michael and I died.  I told him that was true and reminded him that we had a plan for him if something should ever happen to Michael or me.  On one hand I think it’s good to talk about death with Oleg, but it concerns me that he seems to worry about it a lot.  I hope that it is just innocent questioning while trying to figure things out instead of an intense fear.

On a more upbeat note, Michael and Oleg watched “Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer” in preparation for Christmas.  Oleg enjoys the story and is fascinated by that Bumble.  However Oleg somehow changed the name of the program from “Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer” to be “Rudolf the Reindeer’s Nose” instead.  These are the things we need to remember and remind him of when he gets older.  

We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas day with Grandma and Grandpa D.  Oleg was very excited for Santa’s visit and woke us all at 4:30AM!  I woke up to Oleg’s voice chattering away.  I got out of bed to find out where he was and found him in Grandma and Grandpa’s bed.  He hadn’t even come to our room first.  :-(   However, it turns out he had been up even earlier (sometime between 4:00 and 4:30AM) and I just had woken up at that point.  I asked him to use a whisper voice since it was still very early and he told me he was going to sleep with Grandma and Grandpa.  (Yeah, right!)  It appears that Grandpa helped wind him up even more than he already was and Oleg was bouncing.  I went in about 15 minutes later and took Oleg to his room to quietly read books for a little bit, but by 5:10AM everyone was up and we headed downstairs to open gifts.  Yawn!  After all the gifts were opened and we had some breakfast Grandma and Grandpa said Michael and I could go back to bed for more sleep.  Michael said he would lay on the couch, but I took them up on the offer and went back to sleep for a couple more hours.  Michael eventually joined me.  I don’t know how Grandma and Grandpa did it, but they lasted the rest of the day and I was dragging again by 5PM.  Hopefully they went to bed early after we all left!  Oleg got lots of presents and had lots of fun entertaining the adults (Grandma, Grandpa, Great Uncle Chuck, Great Aunt Sue, Great Uncle Ed, Aunt Collen, and Uncle Chris) and playing with his cousins.  He and Lana get along really well and had fun playing with their new toys.  Poor Jackson is still a little young for both of them, but he seemed content play alone with this cars (which he calls “trucks.”  Everything is a “truck” whether it is a car, van, SUV, construction vehicle, etc.).

Celebrate the King of Kings

Our church choirs had a Christmas musical program - Meet Me at the Manger, this morning.  Oleg’s Cherub Choir was part of the Finale song, while the youth choir performed the rest of the program.  The Cherub Choir directors had given us a CD of their song to listen to in the car and Oleg and I had been practicing.  I wasn’t sure when the Cherub Choir so as soon as it began, Michael and I were looking for Oleg.  We quickly figured out that the youth choir was performing the musical with 9 songs before the Finale and the Cherub Choir was in the front row watching.  The church youth choir is quite large and they put on a good performance.  Finally it was time for the Finale and the Cherub Choir joined the youth choir on stage.  I wondered if Oleg might be nervous, but he didn’t look nervous at all.  He even spotted me and waved.  :-)   When the song began I mouthed the words and I could see him singing along to the whole song (while some other kids just stood there).  I was so proud of him and it was so cute!!!  Michael sort-of laughed at me, but I had tears in my eyes.  I was just so proud of him.

For dinner we went to Red Robin after his Flag Football game. On the way there he said that a sign said “speeding” and he was actually very close because it was a sign for the “Speedway” gas station. Then at dinner he was looking at the Red Robin’s kid’s menu and sounding out the words. I am just amazed at how much he is learning from his preschool class and how he is picking up on reading! He also seems really excited about it and I’m glad about that. From teaching I know that a lot of kids dread reading and since Michael and I are both avid readers I think it would be difficult for us if he hated reading. It’s always still possible, but right now he is excited about learning to read.

Thinking back to a couple weeks ago at Flag Football, he read on the wall the sign for Team Zone and Super Kick. One of the other mother’s looked at me and asked if he could read. I said, “Not really” and assumed that Michael had told Oleg what it said. I asked Michael later and he said he hadn’t read those to Oleg. Oleg told me that he read it so either he is paying really good attention and remembering (very possible) or he sounded it out (also sort-of possible). He has an “I Can Read” book from preschool with environmental print and I’m going to have to get these new words added to his book.

Where did R. come from?

In the car on the way home from preschool Oleg asked again why he cried on the airplane.  The only time he has been on an airplane was from Russia to America, so it really does make sense that he cried.  It’s hard to explain to him that we don’t know exactly why he was crying though because we couldn’t understand everything he said.  Today I compared it to when a baby talks and we can’t understand what he or she is saying.  But I told him I mostly felt that he cried because he didn’t know what was going on and had never been on an airplane before.

Then Oleg said, “What about the car?” I thought I knew which car he meant, but I asked a few questions to be sure. I had told him a story about how when we first left the orphanage, he liked the car, then after awhile he began to cry and scream inconsolably until the driver stopped, talked to him in Russian, and then Oleg was fine. I told Oleg that I always wanted to know what the driver told him to calm him down. I added to that story today by telling Oleg that the rest of the car rides in Russia were fine because Oleg liked cars and they were pretty short rides compared to that first one. But then I told him that in Russia he didn’t have to wear a seatbelt, but in America he did because of our laws/rules. I told Oleg that he got very upset about that. Oleg thought that was interesting and wanted to hear more about how he did not like to wear a seatbelt and what he did when we put him in it.

Then Oleg asked about his friend R., “Where did R. come from?” Ahhh, the question of questions as you are putting this all together. Well, I told Oleg the truth, that R. always lived here in America with his birth family. His mom, Mrs. B., is his birth mom and she has always been able to take care of him. I reminded Oleg about how we talked about his birth mom not being able to take care of him. Then Oleg added a new question by saying, “But I don’t know what she looks like.” No, I told him, neither do I, but I bet that she looks a lot like you with maybe blue eyes and auburn hear with some curl. He immediately called his hair red. I added that his hair has blond (or yellow as he calls it) and brown too.

I wanted to talk about it a little bit more, but Oleg was done at that point and started to pretend play Transformers in the back seat. I knew at this point it was time to drop it so he could digest what we talked about and come to me later with new questions and ideas. I am so glad for all the adoption books and magazine articles I’ve read and continue to read. They have definitely helped prepare me for these questions and helped me think about my answers ahead of time. It’s still hard sometimes when Oleg ask these questions, but I know that it is important for him to know and learn more about himself.

Family visits

I’m a little behind again, but not as bad as last time.

My family — Aunt Colleen, cousins Lana and Jackson, and Grandma and Grandpa D. came to see Oleg play flag football on November 21. It was a quick visit, but it was really nice to see them and I know that Oleg loved having them there. He really enjoys playing with his cousins as they get older and can interact with him more. He still likes the one-on-one attention of Grandma or Grandpa too though. At flag football, Oleg was a bit crazy and inattentive, but as usual he had lots of fun. Initially I thought he was crazy because he was showing off for his visitors, but later I considered that we also loaded him up with sugar from a cupcake before the game. Whatever the reason, his coach continued to be very patient and even gave Oleg the star for the game. I’m not sure this was the best game for him to get the star (performance wise), but Oleg loved showing off the star to his relatives so it was very nice of his coach.

Thanksgiving with Michael’s family was very nice. As usual we ate very well (and I gained 4 pounds… yikes!). I think Oleg’s favorite part was the early Christmas gifts. He remembered from last year too because before we left he kept telling me that he got presents for Thanksgiving. The day after Thanksgiving Oleg got a play with a new friend - the son of one of Grandma’s co-workers. We met them at a play area and the boys hit it off. They played very well for several hours while the adults visited. The night before we were supposed to leave, Oleg announced to Michael and I that he was going to live with Grandma and Grandpa now. I tried to remind him that his dogs and friends would miss him and he might miss his toys at home. Mom and Dad would also definitely miss him. He had an answer for everything and didn’t seem phased. Most of his plans involved friends and toys moving to Indiana. Finally I suggested that maybe Oleg spend the night at Grandma and Grandpa’s house while Michael and I went back to the hotel. Oleg was excited, Grandma and Grandpa thought it was fine, and Michael and I were upset. I know deep down that Oleg was just excited about being with Grandma and Grandpa and testing his freedom as he gets older, but it was hard not to feel rejected a little. Oleg didn’t see upset at all that we wouldn’t be with him. Hopefully that means that he is comfortable and knows we won’t leave him. Hopefully it was not a test that we failed. (There has been no backlash since returning home, so I don’t think so.) Michael and I stayed until we knew that Oleg was asleep and then we went back to the hotel for the night. We were both a little sad and it was so quiet without our little chatterbox. I was up early the next morning to be ready for their call and I was very excited when they arrived at the hotel. It was so nice to get a great big hug from Oleg! It was so nice to bring him home with us!

Passing of loved ones

I’ll start with a cute smile to give you a smile on your face.  One evening, after dinner, Oleg decided to eat a bag of M&Ms from his Halloween stash.  He told Michael and I that he was going to share, but quickly realized that he had eaten too many.  There was only one left.  Problem solving, he put it in his mouth, bit it in half, put the half from inside his mouth on Dad’s plate, the other half on my plate.  Michael protested at first and said that Oleg could eat it, but Oleg insisted that it was for Dad.  Michael finally ate it and I ate my half too.  Oleg is very sweet about sharing his food.  :-)

On a sadder note, one of Oleg’s Baboushka’s (great grandmother’s) passed away at the end of October.  She lived far away and we had not been to see her too often, but often enough that Oleg knew who she was.  We also had been telling him for some time that she was very sick (to prepare him for her death).  The funeral was in Cincinnati and we all went together.  Oleg had a lot of questions about how this happened and was very curious to see her body during the open casket viewing.  He looked at her for a minute, then asked if she was going to talk or sit up.  I re-explained to him that her soul was in heaven now and this was just her body that we were going to bury.  Then he asked if we could close the casket now.  I told him it was not time yet.  Michael went to the cemetery, but Oleg and I went back to the hotel because it had been too much sitting around for him already.  When Michael came back to the hotel, Oleg asked him if they closed the casket and put her in the ground.  Michael told him that yes, they had.  Oleg seemed satisfied with that.

Since that day, Oleg has continued to ask questions on-and-off.  He will all of the sudden say that he is sad and misses Baboushka.  He has said that he doesn’t want to die.  He has pointed to older people and said they are very old, are going to get sick, and die soon.  I don’t want him to think that all older people are all of the sudden going to get sick and die, but at the same time I’m not ready for him to worry about the possibility that anyone of any age can die.  I’ve read a death can re-awake feelings of loss for an adopted child so I’m trying to be very sympathetic to that.  Oleg definitely acted out around that time. Perhaps it was just the change in routine (as someone told us), but I really think it was related to Baboushka’s death and him trying to deal with it. One day recently as we were driving in the car he was playing with a stuffed animal and told it that it’s Baboushka was dead, then its grandparents, then its parents.  Then all of the sudden he made them all back alive again.  It was interesting to listen to and made me wonder if he really thinks that is how it works or if that is how he would prefer it worked.